The Office Quotes: Best of Season 5
ByThe fifth season of NBC’s The Office featured some acclaimed guest stars (Idris Elba, Amy Ryan), a post-Super Bowl extravaganza and more hilarious quotes than we can possibly list on one website. Ohhh, wait, that’s not true, we’ve got the biggest collection anywhere!
Below are some of our favorite lines from this season. Be sure to check out our library of The Office quotes for the best quotes from EVERY episode of the show to date!
David Wallace: [playing volleyball at the company picnic] Nicely done. We’re still going to crush you though!
Charles: Yes we are!
Rolph: You suckers are goin’ down! They’re gonna wipe their asses with your serves! Piss all over your faces!
Dwight: Okay, Rolph! Woah. Wait, wait-
Rolph: It’s true!
Toby: This reminds me of the HR convention last fall.
Dwight: Normally I don’t condone leaving early, but I have an appointment with the horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor, I don’t know. [laughs at his own joke] No, I’m kidding. He’s just a regular doctor who shoots your horse in the head when its leg is broken.
Creed: I want to set you up with my daughter.
Jim: Oh, I’m engaged to Pam.
Creed: I thought you were gay.
Jim: Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter?
Creed: I don’t know.
Michael: There are certain defining moments in a person’s life. The day he is born. The day he grows hair. The day he starts a business. And the day he sells that business back to Dunder Mifflin.
Michael: Did I ever tell you about the day that Steve Martin died?
Pam: Steve Martin’s not dead, Michael.
Michael: I know. But I always thought that the day that he died would be the worst day of my life. I was wrong. It’s this.
Ryan: [on phone] Last night was crazy. Jojo? Yeah. He did a donut in a parking lot in front of a cop. And then he yells, “Hey cop, you like donuts?” then we drive off. [pauses] No, he just stayed there.
David: Do you realize what you’re asking for here? You’re talking about salary plus health benefits-
Michael: And dental this time.
David: Insurance, taxes, social security for three people. This is a heck of a lot more than 60 grand. You’re talking about a multi-million dollar buy-out.
Michael: These are our demands.
David: Your company cannot be worth that much.
Michael: Our company is worth nothing.
Jim: About a week ago, Michael gave his 2-week notice. And, surprisingly there is a very big difference between Michael trying and Michael not trying.
Kevin: Lynn, I’m just gonna say to you everything that I am thinking.
Lynn: OK.
Kevin: I think you have the best smile. I’d like to take you out to dinner and a movie.
Lynn: OK.
Kevin: Nice. Boobs.
Kevin: I can’t keep doing this forever.
Red Cross woman: It’s been 20 seconds.
[Kevin continues for a few seconds, stops, and walks off]
Kevin: Call it.
Michael: Andy, Cornell called, they think you suck. And you’re gayer than Oscar. Boom. Roasted.
Andy: We’re getting married at Schrute Farms. No matter what. I have looked at 12 venues, I have lost eight deposits and I have seen Angela naked zero times. I am not losing another deposit.
Phyllis: Oh, I don’t think it’s blackmail. Angela just does what I ask her to do so I won’t tell everyone that she’s cheating on Andy with Dwight. I think for it to be blackmail, there would have to be a formal letter.
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